Find Your Sexy

Finding your sexy

“How do you get the confidence to be naked with stranger?” is a question I get asked very often.

To make this blog short and sweet… I fake it! But since that isn’t enough of an answer for most I am going to share some of my top tips.

But first some background on myself…
I am a plus size full service sex worker i also skimpied and stripped at a plus size girl. I have been a size 14 up to a size 22. I am lumpy, have cellulite, everything isn’t perfect, my toes are weird and i have a lot of scars. I have thousands of things I dislike about myself and yet I am ridiculously confident.

My Tips

 

• Find one thing you love about you! I don’t care how small or how silly. DO you have amazing eyelashes, mad makeup skills, a perfect belly button or a killer tattoo? If so focus on that one little thing. Touch it when you feel insecure and be like ‘I may not be perfect but da-aym my feature is fierce’.

• Fake it. The more often you pretend you love yourself, the truer it feels. You may have heard the expression that liars begin to believe their own lies… This is very true when it comes to confidence.

• Invest in yourself. No matter your budget, treat yourself. Whether its expensive lingerie, a killer pair of heels or an at home manicure or facial. Treating you to something special will make you feel important and this self care will boost your confidence.

• Explore yourself. Knowing your body and the touch it likes will get you excited. Explore your sensual side. Seduce yourself. Learn how you like things and express these to your partners, or seduce yourself before seducing a partner, or while they seduce you.

• Red lipstick. If I am not feeling it I pop on my red lips. This makes me feel amazing. I feel powerful and in control. Add smokey eyes and fake lashes for extra oomph. This may not work for you. But it works for me.

• Practice the art of the tease. Often sex can become mechanical, routine or same-old-same-old. Practicing the art of the tease, bringing some cheely spunk into the boudoir can help your confidence. This tease can tie in nicely with the self seduction.

• Learn a skill. Youtube or classes is great. Do a pole dance class, learn some burlesque, learn to give a lap dance, learn to put a condom on with your mouth, learn a new makeup skill or how to perfectly apply a winged liner. Learning some skill that relates to your image, fitness or sexual appetite can give you confidence.

• Read your body. Sometimes you just aren’t in the mood. Your bloated, have a headache, or (for those chronic illness peeps) having a low spoon day. Accept that bad days happen to everyone. There is nothing wrong wit you. It’s a bad day/week/month/year. You can pick it up again.

• Dress for your body. I don’t mean that in a silly big girls have to wear tents’ and all that judgy shit. Wear want you want, but make sure it fits. I don’t care if you’re a size 6 or a size 26, make sure your clothes fit. I am currently a size 14, but i have to buy 18 bras and 20 tops so clothes actually fit. Make sure you are comfortable and feel nice in your clothes. I love lace and silk. Instant sexy right there. But for my partner it’s a well fitted shirt and tight black pants. Find what works for you. No matter what anyone else thinks. Find your sexy, make sure it fits well and is comfortable.

• Smile. Really smile. It will make you radiate. I can’t count the number of times I was selected at a parlour for my smile.

• Mirror their body language. Its an old trick, but be a mirror image to your partner/client/friend/tinder date. This shows them you’re interested. It’s a psychological trigger that pushes confidence and intimacy into an encounter.

• Accentuate your assets. Don’t focus on hiding your flaws, focus on emphasising the things you like.

• Put on some music that makes you feel sexy. I break in my new heels by dancing around the house in a provocative manner to Britney, NIN and so much more. I feel sexy, my heels get worn in and then if i need to turn the sexy on I can play my house cleaning playlist and it gets me in the mood. (This works for using music while exploring/seducing yourself)

• STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS!!!! There is always going to be someone younger/prettier/thinner/bigger busted/perkier/more confident than you. I can promise you that these people have insecurities too. Another person’s level of attractiveness doesn’t negate yours. It is also incredibly probable that someone will find you more attractive than the person you envy.

• Don’t put others down. Putting others down to gain your own confidence is fake, rude , cruel and bullying. This is a MASSIVE no. In fact I find complimenting others actually boosts my confidence.

• Accept compliments. When someone compliments you, say thank you. Don’t brush it off, blame angles/lighting/filter/clothes. Take the damn compliment and believe it. Smile and say thanks babe!
• When you feel sexy take and post selfies. Immortalise your good days and post them for the world to see, or share with a trusted friend/partner. Scan these awesome selfies on your bad days.

• Practice makes perfect. Confidence doesn’t come overnight you need to work through and watch the progress and development.

 

 

These are some of my tips on being confident. I think it’s something that just grows the more you believe it. Smile. Tell yourself the things you like about you.Believe that you deserve to be appreciated and worshipped.

Embrace yourself!